I made it into the semi finals for the Thelonious Monk International Jazz Competition for Vocals! Woot woot! I am a believer so: Thank You God.
It is a huge relief to know this information. In the past 10 years, I’ve never entered a competition for that very reason being the waiting game. In this case, obsessing over the tunes I sent in, wondering what I could have done better. Then feeling guilty for thinking about myself and my voice way way to much. Visualizing winning. Visualizing losing. Getting off a plane in DC. Moving on if I didn’t make it. Pretending I really didn’t care. Praying for all the wrong reasons. Trying to not think this is the end all be all since I’m 28 and the cut off age is 30. I was doing a good job of keeping the neurosis at bay- the fact that contestants really didn’t know when we were going to find out kind of helped, so I couldn’t really count down the days.
Then today happened. This morning and into the early afternoon, I started getting texts from some of my friends who also entered the contest. Emails were being sent out! I didn’t want to check my email, yet I kept clicking the inbox button in my gmail account. I was frozen. Couldn’t do anything but pace around. I remembered why I don’t like entering contests. Around 4:30, I still hadn’t heard anything and Matt finally told me to just call them. I didn’t want to pester, but it was killing me! I knew that if I called I would probably not make a lot of sense with all my nervousness. I am embarrassed at how I articulated some things. Conversation goes as follows:
Monk Institute: The Thelonious Monk Institute, how can I help you?
Me: I’m really sorry to bother you, and I know you guys are probably really busy, but I’m in Chicago and some of my singer friends in Chicago have received notifications about the Monk Vocal Competition (singer friends?!? who says that?!?), I’m wondering if you all are going to be sending out emails for the next few days or maybe just today um…(unintelligable rambling)
MI: Well, we’ve already sent everything out, so there’s a chance it could be stuck in cyberspace for who knows how long. But let’s see…what’s your name?
Me: Sarah…Marie…Young (my throat was so dry and my tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth)
MI: Ah…we’ve been trying to get a hold of you. You are in the semi finals! Congratulations!
Me: (High pitched squealing)
MI: The person who is in charge is Leonard. You should get a very long email too, but he makes sure he calls all of the 12 semi finalists. Now let’s check the phone number I have for you. 773…
Me: Yes, that’s right…
MI: 9…3…2724 (reception sucks in our apt.!)
Me: Wait, sorry, can you repeat that?
MI: 773-953-2724.
Me: 953?
MI: Yes.
Me: It’s 773-963-2724. 963.
MI: Ah yes, well there we go!
She gave me some more info, but I can’t believe that was the reason why. One number off.
Anyway, after calling my family, Matt and I celebrated by going out for sushi and seeing one of my friends perform at the Jazz Showcase. I’ve been reeling all night. Checking out the judges. Checking out some of the other semi-finalists- oh yes, I have my ways. Thinking about THE VOICE. How can you judge 12 totally different voices with totally different backgrounds and experiences? That blows my mind. I mean no matter how you cut it, no matter how much schoolin’ or how much jazz singin’ I’ve done or whoever I’ve been influenced by, I can really only be me. I can really only sound like me and hope they like it. And at some point, those judges are going to have to prefer one unique voice over another unique voice, over another. I can and will shed- bone up on my tone, range, agility, dynamics, originality, interpretation, etc…, but it is so unbelievably easy to get sucked into that “What do I think they’ll like?” story. ESPECIALLY with jazz. Good Lord I sometimes get sucked into that on a regular gig. Do I research the past, and Monk, and all that rich history? Or do I look and keep going forward? How do I balance out the two? What the hell am I doing, did they make some sort of a mistake?
I’ve never felt pegged in one genre as a singer. I just sing and I like it. I never wonder about what I’m going to do in life for a career, or think about a back up plan. I will most likely sing as long as I could, maybe try and get really good at piano. But honestly, I feel a little uncomfortable that I am going to be a “jazz” singer in this competition. I’ve enjoyed my little comfortable world where I can be a worship leader, sometimes be a soul singer, sometimes sing brazilian music, sometimes be a jazz singer, sometimes be a classical singer. Really though, to quote SNL News Update, REALLY, can one really get good at their craft if they never just pick one style, then practice and perform the shit out of it? I guess we’ll find out.
This is the point where Matt just tells me to shut up, stop worrying about it and just sing. Then he offers me ice cream or a flavor-ice or something sugary and I’m not thinking about it anymore.
